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Lyrics:
Warner Bros. New Line Metro
Stop to say hello
to your eccentric neighbor.
The actor who used to play Bilbo
is too old… so they recast him.
Now he’s younger,
And Gandalf’s still old as heck.
No Offense Ian McKellan
Ride a mini-horse.
Screw it, just walk. Or run.
Introduce the strengths
of each Companion.
Plate throw,
Arrows, bouncing cobwebs.
Baldness, oldness, left wrist,
Happiness, Heaviness.
Drinking, turning, catching cups.
And the leader can sing Bass
There he goes…
the leader sings and smokes
and Gandalf too.
His mouth barely moves.
That guy is old.
He stands up slow.
The others start singing
and steal the leader’s spotlight.
Next December
Gandalf has dual wielding.
Drop the sword,
it’s heavy.
Walk towards a broke knife.
(It’s a sword but knife rhymed)
From Peter
Cliff.
Romantic sunset.
Too hot for him.
(unless he’s rich)
The front of his staff’s a Maglite™
and the back’s a pipe.
Unsheathe unbroken sword.
Dramatic whisper. Tension building.
Sh** gets real.
Mountains spinning ‘round the dwarves.
Horses spinning ‘round the dwarves.
Gandalf gonna take his girlfriend up a hill.
Flip suspenders.
Wizards fighting.
Fiery embers.
He goes flying.
Sun explosion,
Door implosion,
Panicked turning dishes spinning.
Jumping fences, tension tenses.
Sh** gets real again.
Careful it’s bind on pick up.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Post title bonus shows that
Gollum is just as ugly as before…
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